She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
