I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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