i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
