His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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