Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
