I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
