Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize