My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
