R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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