I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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