my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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