so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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