I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
