he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
40s are totally the cure
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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