The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Pooping to opera.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
