Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
