if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
