IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
