I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
