I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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