these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
