i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
