just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
