I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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