We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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