You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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