Got a toothbrush?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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