i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
