The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
