My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
