This girl is more easily done than said...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
