god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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