I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
