Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
