I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The beer is more important than you right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
