I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize