So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
