Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize