Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
