yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
