12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize