her vagine was all disorganized.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
