i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
