I'm really into asian looking animals
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
