i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
