i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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