I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
