u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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