Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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