I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
