The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how drunk are you?
Several
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
