Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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