All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
