i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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