dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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