i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
