i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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