had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
