I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
