Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
