I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
