On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
