Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
