We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize