as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
