please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
