your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
