i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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