I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
