Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
