you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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