he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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