its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize