oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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