I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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