Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize