he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize