I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
