I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
