I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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