rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
