There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
